• Kallistos

Tarot Wisdom: The 2 Hour Rule for Relationships

An abundance of psychological research has suggested a strong link to the time we devote to a person and the quality of the ensuing relationship. This time is the same whether we are talking about familial, friendly, or romantic relationships.

There is something almost magical about two hours of devoted time per week. It works for other activities too (such as learning and practicing a skill or task, exercising, or improving health and well-being in nature), and it is especially useful for creating and maintaining important relationships.

Over our many years of Tarot and psychological consultation experience, we have noticed that the core reason why many marriages fall apart and why many friendships fade is due simply to a lack of spending this meaningful, devoted time each week. On the other hand, we have noticed that all truly strong and committed relationships include a minimum of this devoted time each week.

So, how much time should you devote to a certain person each week?


This is a strong average. The general minimum seems to be around 90 minutes; anything less than this, and the bond fades over time. Certain relationships "decay" faster than others (romantic relationships the fastest, typically, due to their emotional and sexual aspects; friendships second; familial relationships last the longest, perhaps due to genetic similarities and how much time was spent "growing up" together earlier in life), but all relationships decay if less than 90 minutes of devoted time is spent on that relationship each week.

Note several important details about this time:

1. These 2 hours must be DEVOTED time.

"Devoted" time means that your focus is placed completely on spending time with that person.

This means, first and foremost, any side distractions---such as phones---should be ignored. This is not the time to be checking your social media or thinking about something or someone else. Stay focused on the person with whom you are spending this time.

2. These 2 hours must be focused around CONVERSATION and ACTIVITIES.

Any time spent on passive entertainment, such as watching a movie, is much less valuable than equal time spent on an activity, such as playing a game together. This is because, typically, little to no interaction occurs during passive entertainment.

When we engage in conversation (especially about meaningful topics) or in play (which can take many forms, from a game to hiking to joking around), we actively forge memories which connect and bind us together. These memories form the core of our feelings and thoughts about a person.

3. These 2 hours can be divided up into smaller segments, but ideally no less than 15 minutes each segment.

This is because it is difficult to have a meaningful conversation or experience in under 15 minutes...at least in most circumstances. Of course, any devoted time is better than no time at all.

Sometimes it is challenging to set aside a large block of time given our other responsibilities. But keep in mind that you can divide up the necessary 2 hours throughout the week: 30 minutes on Monday, 15 minutes on Tuesday, another 15 minutes on Friday, and 1 hour on Saturday.

Check back soon for a Tarot card spread that will help you come up with ideas for designing dates and activities that can help you to build and strengthen your relationships.

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